Here's a little story that may appeal to those with a more twisted sense of humour.
Back in the summer of 1669 an alchemist named Henning Brandt, tried to make gold by heating a concoction of sixty buckets of human urine mixed with charcoal (do you know how long it takes to save up sixty buckets of piss?, I bet his wife could have told you).
Needless to say, the gold didn't materialize, but he did succeed in producing an entirely new material; white phosphorus. In fact this was one of the first elements to be isolated by chemical means.
Now white phosphorus reacts quite readily with oxygen and for that reason it is normally stored in water. As soon as it is removed from water, it begins to glow. If you remove enough from the water it bursts into flame. You can actually put some on your fingers and write with it.... it will glow for quite awhile. However, just increase the quantity slightly and you have fire. To quote Mr Brandt “'twill burn the place most dreadfully”.
Now Brandt was keen to find a use for this remarkable new material, and it's glow suggested medial applications to him, (I guess medications were different in those days) and it occurred to him that it just might be a handy cure for some sexually transmitted diseases. Whether he was so afflicted we don't know, but we do know that he tested his theory, and to quote him (and this is the punch line) : “If the privy parts be therewith rubb'd, they will be inflamed and burn for a good while after”.
That may well have been the forerunner of dispassionate understatement in scientific reportage.
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